Generous Like Abigail.

Today's Marketing Cookie reminds you to remain generous with your advice, even if it’s not always followed.

Earlier this year, I watched HBO’s Original mini-series, “John Adams,” starring Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney. The story begins in Boston with British soldiers firing into a crowd and follows the remarkable life of John Adams until his death on July 4th, 1826. That day was the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence and, in an extraordinary and eerie coincidence, also the day his friend and rival Thomas Jefferson died in Monticello, Virginia.

I am a proud Bostonian. Witnessing the reenactment of the Boston Massacre at the old state house was quite disturbing. While the circumstances are not nearly the same, the anger I felt toward the cowards who bombed our city at the Boston Marathon must have mirrored the feelings of those who stood against the king’s soldiers. For that reason, it was astonishing to remember that John Adams, the colony’s most skillful lawyer, had the courage to step forward and serve as the defender in their murder trial proceedings.

As he prepared his arguments for their defense, John Adams’ wife Abigail is shown offering compelling legal advice to her husband: not to judge the jury’s feelings of prejudice against the crown regarding their justified complaints of taxation without representation. While the scene did not reveal how the conversation began, the viewer could clearly see that Abigail was portrayed as well-educated, intelligent, and sensible. By his demeanor, it was clear that her instruction could not be challenged and must be taken to heart.

Not long later in that first episode, you will see it. There’s no mistaking the high regard John Adams holds for the sage advice and keen insights of his wife Abigail. John paces the floor of their room as Abigail is seated in bed reviewing the closing arguments John had prepared for the murder trial defense of those hated soldiers. With insecurity in his eyes, he assumes she does not like his prepared speech and ventures to request her opinion. As an aspiring writer myself, I’ll never forget her response.

Abigail looks up at him and with intentional tact and devoted compassion, she simply says, “You have overburdened your argument with ostentatious erudition.” She hands the manuscript back to him and continues, “You do not need to quote great men to show you are one.”

Ouch! I immediately thought about all the times I had sought out a quote by someone famous to help me make my point. The scene continues as John, disappointed, takes the manuscript in his hand and slumps on the bed, saying, “My purpose is to show that certain principles are eternal. And that men of great minds have... why are you laughing?”

Abigail, struggling to hide her case of church giggles that could injure her husband’s confidence, responds, “A noble purpose, no doubt. But some of the jury might think that you want to prove the brilliance of the speaker rather than the truth of the case he is arguing.”

Oh man, that one hurt. John visibly acknowledges the truth in her words and concedes, “Well, perhaps in certain passages, a more direct line might be an improvement… and I can see that I am to have no sleep tonight.” He kisses his wife, looks at her with defeated appreciation, rises to his feet to rework his speech. Before leaving their room, he pauses for a moment with second guesses filling his head and pleads with her, “Would you have me lose all the quotations?”

She responds simply, “John.” as if to say, “you already have my answer. Just go and do it.”

Cutting now to the court scene, John Adams looks up to his wife in the public gallery of the balcony as he proceeds to open his closing argument with a quote, “In the words of the Marquis of Beccaria...”

The expression on her face was exactly what you’d expect from someone whose advice was eagerly sought but ultimately ignored. Despite this, John Adams successfully defended the soldiers, resulting in the charges against them being dropped.

Throughout their marriage of 54 years, John would repeatedly seek her counsel, see the truth in her insights, but not always follow it. To be fair, there were many times when Abigail’s advice was followed, and the course of history was forever changed. One such example was when she convinced John to accept the role as the country’s first vice president. Abigail’s devotion to John and his success as an influential founder of our nation is remarkable, even if the advice John repeatedly sought from her was not always followed.

The most noteworthy instance when her requested advice was ignored was when Abigail urged John to "Remember the Ladies" while creating new laws for the emerging nation, saying, “Be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husbands." She said women should vote, have a voice and equal representation. She told John that men should give up "the harsh title of Master for the more tender and endearing one of Friend." John Adams did not listen to his most trusted advisor.

As the giver of advice, I caution you to remain as generous as Abigail, regardless of what is done, or not done, with the help others seek from you. Especially as a parent, your wisdom, even if disregarded, still matters. Your words and the unconditional way that you provide them still influence others in ways you may not immediately realize. By maintaining your generosity, I hope you will be well prepared for whatever the outcome of what today’s fortune predicts, “Many seek you out for insightful advice.”